She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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