I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
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in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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