oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
