just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
