My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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