Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
