OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
