Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
