I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
