If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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