if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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