M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
