Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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