a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
