i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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