i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
