I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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