You work out of a Hotel?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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