why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
