Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
