I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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