the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
