I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
