Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
