next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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