You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
