So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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