I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
