Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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