it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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