I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
