I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
