My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
