and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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