All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
