My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
