thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
