sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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