Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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