i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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