Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
