she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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