Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
