Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
