I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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