i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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