yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
