HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
