make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
