Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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