But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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