But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
