Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
