He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
