Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
