Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
