have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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