Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
