my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
