Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
