Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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