i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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