dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
whose parrot is this?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
