i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
