I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
