She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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