I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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