Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
