I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
