Dude my mom stole all your condoms
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
