I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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