he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it glows. i had to have it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
