Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
