Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
