you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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